September 30, 2008

Pinky's Impending Death

Pinky's planning a simple funeral and a nondescript tombstone. There will be only one marble New Yorker strewn on the marble bedside.

September 28, 2008

Evil Ruminations

Unlike Miss Love’s cow story from last week, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. But unlike Miss Love’s, there is evil, salvation, and disgusting rumen fluid.

Thursday evening after Pinky and Miss Love had arrived at the State Fair of Texas with their ten zebu, a friend from Louisiana noticed his prize bull was starting to bloat. After a couple of hours of trying baking soda and a tube down his throat into his rumen to relieve the pressure, he was still bloating bigger and bigger like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon gone bad. With directions from a vet over the telephone, one of the cow guys poked a large needle in his left side. The needle was too small and not much air was coming out. The vet suggested blowing a little on the needle to clear it out. This duty fell to Pinky. While waiting for the emergency vet to show up, Pinky blew into the needle every few minutes for over an hour. Of course, when the air hissed out of the needle, so did some rumen fluid. Now the rumen is the first section of the cow’s stomach where food goes and sloshes around a bit, then is regurgitated back up and chewed some more. Pinky kinda likes the smell of that cow’s cud and the natural burps that go along with it. What he didn’t realize was that cud must actually be good compared to what stays in the rumen which can only be described as evil. And by evil he means pure-d demonic hellish hate in gaseous and foamy dribble form. This evil is what Pinky had on his lips for over an hour. As he wiggled the needle around and got it in an especially helpful position, some of this demon sperm would sputter out onto his glasses. He had to hold the needle in place and his fingers were all pruney from this wicked liquid. Later he made Miss Love smell his breath (she didn’t flinch)—but when he made her smell his fingers, she practically swooned with disgust. Several small children also smelled Pinky’s fingers—they will probably recall this smell on their own deathbed.

If Miss Love were telling the story, there would be many descriptive passages about the vet tubing the bull, Pinky’s heroic massage of the stomach at the vet’s direction, and the tears of the owners. But Pinky is less interested in the plot than in his early morning visions.
Pinky volunteered to spend the night with the bull, because the owner was too distraught to render more tubing and needling relief if needed through the night. The bull seemed a bit better, and he and Pinky did lots of walking and talking. (Apparently you sleep off the flu, but walk off the bloat.) Pinky found himself lowing to the bull in a soft deep hum which seemed to calm him. About 3AM Pinky went into the stall so he could keep a closer eye on the bull. There was a bare dim light over the hall, but the stall was shadowy and quiet. The wooden slats were painted Pinky’s favorite color of pistachio green. The stall floor was red sand. Pinky sat with the bull’s head on his lap. He realized he had never asked if the bull was tame enough for this. When the bull was standing, Pinky had an odd ant’s eye view of this looming swollen beast. Pinky was stretched out on the floor—head propped against the worn wooden wall.

Then, like an apparition, Carravaggio’s Conversion on the Way to Damascus, popped into Pinky’s head. The similarity between this painting and what he was seeing was uncanny. The horse had become a bull, but the lighting was the same. The distressed bloated bull could at anytime step on him. Pinky just mooed some more and hoped that the bull would continue to deflate. Pinky felt calm and peaceful to know he and the bull were, for the moment, safe.

By dawn, the bull seemed better, but Pinky thinks the evil rumen juice simply got the best of him. By afternoon, the vet had all involved (and visiting artist, Mark Ross) roll the worsening bull on his back to try to shake the evil loose. But sadly, the bull died that afternoon.

September 25, 2008

State Fair of Texas

Pinky and Miss Love have a trailer full of cows, beer, bacon sandwiches and are headed to the state fair of Texas. Miss Love will be showing her zebu cows Friday at 2pm and Sunday at 2pm. Stop by the cattle barn and say hello.

September 23, 2008

Diablo Inc.'s New Death Tid-Bits #1

Queen Victoria insisted on being buried with the bathrobe of her long-dead husband, Prince Albert, and a plaster cast of his hand.

September 22, 2008

Pinky and Nadine Often Spend Hours on End Stalking Mopeds Together

Pinky Usually Tries to Stay Out of Politics

Not Nadine

As Pinky was rummaging through Nadine's desk yesterday (he was looking for some cuff links she stole from him), he found this picture she is certainly planning to use for her annual Christmas card. This is not Nadine. Pinky has conveniently numbered the clues that prove beyond a reasonable doubt that this is not Nadine.

September 21, 2008

Pinky Posed for the Cowboy in the Latest Cowboy and Indians Set

Reminder of Frequent Characters

Pinky Diablo: Preacher, semi-saint, retired zoo keeper, hole maker, husband, main character

Miss Love: Wife (owns and breathes miniature zebu 24/7)

Pableau X: Father

Granny D: Mother

Radish: Pinky Diablo's mummified twin that was only recently discovered in Granny D

Nadine: Pinky Diablo's nemesis and sometime neighbor

Miss Love Loves Pinky's Art Best When She Can See a Cow Through the Hole

Believe Pinky Diablo When He Rants About Holes

September 19, 2008

Miss Love Loves Pinky's Art?

As Pinky drove over the tracks toward his home he saw Miss Love carrying one of his suitcase sculptures to the stock tank across the road and sling it in. She stood there and laughed as the snapping turtles devoured it.

September 18, 2008

Diablo Inc. is in Financial Trouble

Pinky has fired all his offshore feline call center cats and contracted with Blackwater to supply orphans to answer phones. They sound more cheerful than they look.

9 Out of 10 Ladies Eat Pinky D Brand Deviled Egg Filling by the Spoonful

Dance of Death

September 4, 2008

Letter to Jesus

Dear Jesus, Forgive our country for getting ready to elect a vice-president who doesn't like polar bears. I guess all those white bears will look good in heaven, however. If you need help taking care of them, feel free to take me before my time--I have zoo keeping experience. Love, Pinky Diablo

What Kind of Looks Does Pinky Get When He Walks in a Room?

"Eat it!" Pinky says "Eat It!"

She Claimed She had a Dead Donkey Fetish

September 1, 2008

What Happens When Pinky Moves Into the Neighborhood

All Nadine Eats is Hot Dogs and Instant Mashed Potatoes, Bless Her Heart

Illustration from the Diablo Inc. Apocrypha

Holofernes asleep in his tent seconds before Judith creeps in to cut his head off.

Miss Love is Not Much of a Homemaker

Shameless Hustling

Diablo Inc. now has a sister blog to Pinky Diablo and his Singing Grubworm. It is titled Pinky Diablo: Cheap Art for the Masses. Pinky will be selling his watercolor scenes of hell painted on bookcovers via this blog. The URL is or click HERE. So shop 'til you're overdrawn. New pieces added daily!