September 30, 2005

Pinky D, Photographer to the Stars

Pinky takes fabulous portrait shots of the rich and famous like this one here.

Inside the Mind of Pinky D

--like big empty halls with an echoing ball rolling and bouncing aimlessly about.

Pinky's Thinkin' Cap

September 29, 2005

Pinky Loves the Sinner, Hates the Sin

The Weight of the World on Pinky's Shoulders

Pinky's world has changed. He just has discovered an event from his distant past that he was too young to remember. If true, it shakes the very foundation upon which his reality is based. Here it is narrated by the father of the other toddler (as recently emailed to Pinky's father):

"When Pinky and Dibs were about the same age--toddlers--you all visited us at our rented house on Manor Road in Austin. When Pinky spotted Dibs entering the room for their first meeting, he rushed across the room, slammed chest to chest into Dibs, and knocked him flat on the floor and amazed. In a display of speed and force amazing in itself, Granny D leapt across the room and smacked the toddler Pinky to the floor. From then on Pinky's nom de guerre at our house was "Mr Moto". Pinky probably won't want to hear this story of violence; or maybe he will. But Granny D won't. Nor will Dibs want to be reminded of such a defeat. Nevertheless, I think some apologies are in order."

Firstly, Pinky always considered himself the underdog, not the agressor. Secondly, Pinky needs to have total control over his many names; obviously, he doesn't. (And Mr. Moto is a great name, even for a toddler in 1964.) Thirdly, Pinky now imagines 100's of events that occured that he doesn't remember that were this horrifying--or worse! It will be a long, hard road to mend all the havoc created by this so-called Mr. Moto.

A Distant Branch of Pinky's Family Tree

Here are Juanella and Phester Diablo, distant cousins of Pinky. Phester turned a little out of focus, pink and blotchy in his old age. Pinky fears it runs in the family. (Juanella lived to be 132 years old and got grayer, not pinker.)

September 28, 2005

Pinky's Entire Kitchen Staff Fired

Pinky had some trouble with the last ladies. Here's the new crew.

Pinky D's Little Known Bible Tales

Even as a child, Jesus thought John the Baptist had a big head.

Don't Cross Pinky

He'll cover your face with bubble gum.

Pableaux Diablo was Quite the Athlete in His Youth

Here's Pinky's Dad in a moment of glory.

What Does Pinky Diablo Do in His Rare Moments of Boredom?

Last night Pinky folded 12,467 paper boats while watching CSI. Thus he was able to accomplish two useless tasks at once, known as WMT (Wasteful Multi-Tasking).

A Close-Up Somewhere on Pinky

Pinky is All Smoke and No Mirrors

In an Ironic Twist on Reality, Pinky HIRES Ladies

While ladies usually hire Pinky, Pinky is not too proud to call for help when he needs it. There is now a crew of ladies that staff Pinky's palatial kitchen 24/6 and cater to Pinky's every dietary whim. (On Mondays, Pinky still cooks for the Oddfellows.) Bacon at 3AM? You bet! Caviar breakfast in bed for four? You wanna have a sleep-over?! Pinky is a friendly employer--he and the ladies have popcorn and watch old movies every night at 11PM.

Heaven Awaits the Faithful Behind the Pink Door

The pearly gates are really pink. So when you follow the light at the end of the tunnel and see these pink doors, don't worry--you're in the right line. (Also, don't worry that they look a little Moorish. In heaven, everyone's pink.)

Pinky is a Duffer, But Not a Golfer

duffer \DUFF-er\ noun 1 a : a peddler especially of cheap flashy articles b : something counterfeit or worthless *2 : an incompetent, ineffectual, or clumsy person; especially : a mediocre golfer

Example sentence:
Pinky had said he was just a duffer, but we knew otherwise when we saw his beautiful Pinky Diablo t-shirts for sale at a reasonable price.

Did you know? Duffers have never really been straight shooters — on or off the golf course. The original duffers of the mid-18th century were shysters of the first order, merchants who palmed off trashy goods as if they were highly valuable (they often implied to unwary buyers that the goods had been smuggled and were very rare). Over time, the meaning of "duffer" was extended from a no-good peddler to anyone who was "no good," not just because the individual had low morals, but because he or she was incompetent or stupid. The term has been applied to hopelessly bad golfers since at least 1897.

Pinky Diablo Super Hero Action Figure on the Market Soon

So far the toy designers have only created the pink steed on which Pinky D rides. Negotiations are underway as to how life-like the human figure of Pinky should actually be.

Pinky Can Make Dreams Come True

Because he has an army of bats that silently patrol your bedroom and listen to your dreams.

September 27, 2005

Pinky's Workshop is in Full Production Mode

Pinky's craftsmen are producing silverplated salt cellars in the shape of farm animals. Research shows that animal figurines on the dining table promote healthier eating. (Pinky has a secret he has never told anyone. He is worried that his fans might realize that if one changes the P in his name to an O, one would have a insulting nickname that would cut Pinky to the quick. One would have salt on hand, as well, to rub in the wound--adding injury to insult.)

Pinky Will Help You Resist Temptation

Just call him up and he'll talk you down.

Pinky D is a Chip Off the Old Block

Pinky Diablo's father, Pableaux, is Pinky's role model. He's salty and a little ridged.

Pinky Diablo Wants to be Your Spiritual Octopus

Let Pinky wrap you in his soothing tentacles. Each of his eight arms has a spiritual theme--each suction cup, a particular meditative challenge. As you feel it sucker down on your skin, ponder the essence of the spiritual task at hand.

Pinky Misled You

The last post was not meant to imply that Pinky eats mass quantities of raw meat. In fact he probably doesn't eat steak tartar more than once a year.

How Much Protein Does Pinky D Need Daily?

A lot.

September 26, 2005

Pinky Has Been Practicing His Calligraphy

Calligraphy means beautiful writing. Ain't it so?!

Pinky and His Friends

Sleep, Little Calf, Sleep

This poor cow has gone to the angels. But it will make some carnivore very happy.

Pinky's Box: an Ancient Greek Myth

What evil lies at the bottom of this box full of pleasure, beauty and pinkness. Pinky dares not open it, but one day he knows he will be distracted on one of his angel of mercy missions, and some dimwit will open it. Will it be you?

Pinky's Huge Wishbone

When Pinky was a little chick he had a tiny little wishbone--not full of much wishing power. But now that he's grown, he has a gigantic wishbone. Pinky likes to keep this secret well under his wing, because if word got out about the amazing power his wishbone holds if cracked, Pinky could end up dead meat.

Pinky Diablo, Your Witch Doctor of Choice

His grandmother used witch hazel and could cure warts with string and a little mojo. Pinky loves the smell of witch hazel. It's the smell of magic. If you've never smelled it you must get a bottle the next time you are at the drugstore. Think of Pinky while you sniff it.

September 25, 2005

Pinky Diablo Hates Hay

Miracle Toenail Transformation

These are the feet you saw here yesterday. The afflicted woman called Pinky who took all night to transform her feet into this vision of loveliness. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford Pinky's MANicure.

Pinky D Has Fortune Told

Pinky D had his fortune told by this gypsy lady
he met at the local buffet. Boy, was she ever right.

"Please Don't Stay Single," Sez Pinky D

Please get a partner so this doesn't happen to you. (Or at least pay Pinky to provide footcare for you.)

Pinky Diablo, Obsessed with Death #85

The most frequent, most lucrative, most cruel deceptive tactic is extortionately-priced, destructive (not protective), Protective Seal caskets, with fraudulent 25-75 year warranties. ALL sealer metal caskets (including those with so-called burp valves of Batesville and other companies -- whether bronze, copper, steel or stainless steel), after being closed, immediately begin to rapidly BLOAT, DESTROY and LIQUEFY body parts of all your loved ones. Well-sealed caskets EXPLODE daily in mausoleums throughout the U.S., blowing the liquefied body parts out of the caskets -- explosions so strong that they sometimes blow the heavy crypt fronts off the crypts, with the danger of killing persons who are in front of or below the crypts. Families need to be warned not to picnic beneath outdoor crypts, as families are frequently seen doing. Regularly, morticians and mausoleums secretly and illegally open caskets and crypts, breaking seals that families paid thousands of dollars for; they unjustly hide the damage of leaks and explosions from families; and they secretly and unjustly dispose of exploded caskets and remaining body parts at city dumps.

Pinky Will Carve Your Portrait from a Potato

Send Pinky a front and side view of your face and he will carve your likeness from a raw potato. Leave it on your kitchen counter and watch yourself age before your very own eyes as the potato shrivels and dries. Make a little body for it and send it back to Pinky. He will make a coffin for your little dead self.

William Blake's Prophetic Drawing

150 years before the rise of the oil industry, Blake captured the essence of this empire to a "T." Maybe the tail should be lifted with flames coming out the devilish butt.

Pinky Diablo Had the Largest Pink Ethnic Mask Collection West of the Mississippi

Now that the collection of New Orleans match magnate Ophelius P. Randemeyer has washed away in a recent hurricane, Pinky now owns the largest pink ethnic mask collection in the entire United States. Pinky is waiting for another natural disaster to take out the collection of Hans Hoeringengeerken in the Netherlands. Then he will have the largest collection in the world.

Pinky's Dream Comes True

Pinky dreamed of tiny screaming heads all night long. When he awoke he felt something in his mouth and spit it out. This is what he found.

Apocalypse Or Parade?

Pinky D Brand Gasoline Saves Americans From Certain Decline

Pinky D has a wonderful new idea that will be certain to save America from the spiraling shithole it's currently headed toward. MAKE SERVICE STATIONS CUTE! No need to lower costs, just make service stations pink, cute and friendly. Customers don't mind being screwed in pleasant surroundings. Pinky has already opened his first homey petrol bungalow (as in home-like--not as is youz my homey). See how the language puts at ease? So come on down and let a pink grease monkey service you at Pinky D's Petrol-n-Prayer.

Pinky Diablo Will Wash Away Your Sins

Redneck Prince Pinky and the Pea

Pinky had to sleep on a pile of mattresses in his pick-up last night because Miss Love bombed the house for roaches. The cool winds of hurricane Rita that were blowing through the pasture made a perfect night for outdoor sleeping. Pinky stacked up the mattresses 24 high (like the hale bales from last week) and started the night enjoying the breeze, the moon, and the low of the tiny cows. But Pinky couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned and had nightmares about cows wearing wigs. At dawn he finally checked under the bottom mattress and found a Grape Nehi bottle cap. Pinky Diablo is ever so sensitive.

September 24, 2005

Reptilian Genesis Story

And the scaleless female took the fruit from the tree and fed it to the haired male. So the snake ate them. The was peace in the garden.

The Devil's Slide: Pinky's Favorite Party Trick

Pinky D Plays Large Animal Vet Or Androcles and the Cow

Miss Love has a cow that she thought had a sprained leg. She tied her up and called Pinky out to help. First she tried to get Pinky to lean against the cow while she lifted the front leg. Miss Love got a swift kick from the back leg (not Pinky's). Pinky lassoed the back leg (not Miss Love's), but Miss Love couldn't heft the leg. Pinky ran in the house to put on his bull costume to make the cow feel more at ease. He was able to lift the front leg and find a huge nail stuck in her hoof. He mooed softly as he pulled out the offending spike. The cow is now forever grateful to Pinky. Even bovine ladies love Pinky Diablo!

You're the Perv, Not Pinky

Divine Inspiration Inspires Divine Pink Painting

Pinky felt the hand of God guide his own human hand to grab the brush away from Roscoe and began painting. Pinky wanted to sleep but his arm was possessed by a higher power. It kept him up all night painting this tragic scene of destruction and mayhem. Pinky's arm is now in a sling and he is amazed at the results. It is much more successful than his Santa attempts (see earlier post).

Hurricane Rita Provides an Amazing Miracle for Texas Believers

Pinky was able to psychically rescue this statuette from somewhere in the hurricane ravaged South Texas area. It is a true miracle that it survived hurricane force winds, flooding, and looting. It will not be returned to its owner. Pinky is not that psychic.

Pinky Takes a Portrait Workshop

Pinky D tried over and over again to draw a happy Santa, but it just didn't happen. This is the best he could do. You can imagine how disturbing the other ones are.