Pinky's New Sunday School Class

The Miraculous Conception of Pinky Diablo

Chair Fetish

Pinky's first (of many) religious conversions had the additional consequence of leaving him with a life-long fetish for a finely turned chair leg.

More of Pinky's Handiwork

Lamb of God, my ass!

Third Horseman of the Apocalypse

Illustration from the Diablo Inc. Apocrypha

Holofernes asleep in his tent seconds before Judith creeps in to cut his head off.

Reptilian Old Testament

And God pulled one of Adam's 674 ribs and created Eve as a companion for him. God said, "Children, find the tree of knowledge and eat the fruit from it and ye shall have dominion over all the creatures of the world." But when Eve slithered over t0 the tree, there was a fat, naked human woman vomiting upon the ground from eating all the fruit. Eve said, "You disgusting bitch, look what you've done to us now. I put a curse of you and your children and your children's children. Henceforth you will live on Wal-Mart packaged food and be even more obese and more stupid" Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden and crawled under a rock, determined to bite every human they saw henceforth.

Answer: Candy Corn

Well, that's Pinky's educated guess. It covers the first two and the last--He can only imagine a host of skeletons in Hell eating mountains of candy corn.

In the Time of Adam

Pinky Prays for Thirty Dying Birds Everywhere

The Eye of God

Correspondence with the Savior

Dear Jesus,
When I was hopping along on one foot when I hurt my leg, where were you?
Sincerely, Pinky

Dear Pinky,
I was hopping in the other direction, making fun of you.
Sincerely,
Jesus

Thanks to Pinky's Rhino Pals

Just when Pinky was feeling that his animal ministry was going nowhere, the Gilmer-Metcalves pooled their lunch money and put a big smile on Pinky's face. The rhinos will have a hot bowl of soup and a bedtime story tonight! (actually, Pinky has raised almost $3000 for his zoo keeper association fundraiser, thanks to generous contributions from his brick and mortar friends. The Gilmer-Metcalves are the only folks who have donated via this blog, so hats off to them. By the way, G-M's, who is the member who signs his/her name with an enigmatic "X"?)

The Problem with Blogging

Pinky has learned some shocking news that made him almost retract his last post. However, he realized God would know he has made a false accusation whether or not the post remained. It turns out that Pinky's (well founded) suspicions might have to be retracted. Stuck to the back of the previous photo of Uncle Poot and Puta Bonita was this lovingly hand-tinted photo. On the back of it in Uncle Poot's barely recognizable script is scrawled: Mrs. P. Caledonia Gilmer-Metcalf, Cairo, 1928, two nights in paradise. Pinky may be having a family reunion with the surviving Gilmer-Metcalves soon.

Letter to God

Dear God,
Today Pinky saw that you had plans for him. In fact, he saw a sign that literally said you had plans for him. It was a bumper sticker on a dark blue Chevrolet Cavalier with a cloth top repaired with several yards of duct tape. The bumper sticker said: God has plans for you. Pinky was sure it was meant for him because of the duct tape (and the fact that God was talking about himself in the third person just like Pinky does). So, anyway, Pinky is waiting for the next sign. He is STOKED about this new plan! He hopes it still includes the zoo (hint hint). Maybe it's a total makeover! (A new trim Pinky with good hair would make a striking zoo keeper.) Awaiting your plans, Big Guy.
Love,
Pinky

Chart Topper from 1964 (Pinky was 6)

Prayer Could Have Saved Her

Pink Prayer to God (and Readers) about Hate

Here is a post from a couple of years ago. Pinky is too busy this morning planning for this evening's pancake and margarita supper for some secret organization that he can't be bothered with creativity:

Dear God and Pink Listeners, (Actually, Pinky's gonna go out on a limb here (since he's obviously not on speaking terms with The Man) and make this a prayer just to the followers of himself.

Here's an idea. Since God doesn't seem to be making the pink changes Pinky has so respectfully requested, he thinks the humans of this celestial plane need to take charge. Now, living here in Texas, he knows that there is still an active KKK. He does not know anyone who is a member, but feels if he tried hard enough, he could root a couple up (call in some chips, if you know what he means!). Also, Pinky suspects that modern klansmen might not be into the robes as much as they used to be. But he thinks they are still out there and possibly still worn on secret occasions. What if each of you snuck into one klansman's house with a tub of Rit dye and colored his robe pink? It would almost be as good as if God did this and scared the beejeebus out of the racist bastard. In fact, it would be better, because God is not playing this pink game. Pinky realizes there may some legal issues here, but Pinky is a big fan of social disobedience when necessary. And face it, seeing klansmen swishing around in pink outfits is somehow very satisfying! If you feel you cannot participate for practical reasons (not knowing who's KKK and who's not, or fear of getting your head blown off by an automatic weapon), then Pinky suggests you spend a few minutes of your daily meditation imagining that you are doing this. Remember, PRAYER CHANGES THINGS! Before you know it, you will be giggling to yourself, walking with a lighter step, and exuding a pink love of the world. Thanks for your love and understanding. Your humble servant, Secretary to P. Diablo, Miss Paulina Heffengreiner

Pinky Punishes Himself

You don't want to know why Pinky washed his own mouth out with soap.

Pinky Often Mingles Amongst His Flock Incognito