Holofernes asleep in his tent seconds before Judith creeps in to cut his head off.
Job Functions:
1. Patrols, periodically, ministry buildings and grounds.
2. Examines doors, window, and gates to determine that they are secure.
3. Warns violators of rule infractions, such as loitering, smoking, or carrying forbidden articles, and apprehends or expels persons engaging in suspicious or criminal acts.
4. Watches for and reports irregularities such as fire hazards, leaking water pipes, and security doors left unlocked.
5. Regulates vehicle and pedestrian traffic to maintain orderly flow.
6. Observes departing personnel to guard against theft of company property.
7. Sounds alarm or calls police or fire department by telephone in case of fire or presence of unauthorized persons.
8. Records data such as property damage, unusual occurrences, and malfunctioning of machinery or equipment, for use of supervisory staff.
Minimum Qualifications:
1. Must maintain a growing walk with Jesus Christ through the ongoing spiritual disciplines of Bible reading, prayer, personal worship, fasting, confession, and fellowship.
While Pableau X and Granny D were on a recent trip to the Paducah moth collectors convention, Pinky discovered (by going through some files marked SECRET) that Pableau X and Granny D have been making loads of money off of him for the last 45 years. A Swiss bank account was set up in 1962 and has had regular deposits made since then. Pinky discovered photos that show him as a toddler wrestling with bunnies, puppies and other baby animals. Granny D and Pableau X have been selling these photos, first by mail and recently by email, to collectors of toddler/cute animal wrestling pics. Pinky feels ashamed and used, but feels obligated to speak out to stop this horrible perversion. (Pinky now understands his yearly Easter-time breakdowns.)
