Pinky Diablo and his Singing Grubworm: 01/01/2006

January 31, 2006

Like the Phoenix

In Nepal I hired a sherpa team to carry my trailer into the mountains. We set up camp, drank yak butter tea and sang a few rounds of Kumbaya. In the middle of the night I was startled awake by banshee-like yelling. There behind the campfire was the hindu god Kali. With her multiple flailing arms and Medusa-like head (sorry for all the mixed mythologies--that's what happens on a multiple continent/multiple god tour) she sliced off my head with her already bloody sword. The funeral was a mix of gospel music and chanting monks. My body was burned on a funeral pyre fit for a king. Afterwards, rising from the ashes, I felt absolutely fan-fucking-tastic. Thanks, Kali!

Pinky's Word of the Day

druthers \DRUH-therz ("th" as in "then")\ noun, dialect

: free choice : preference

Example sentence: If I had my druthers, I would disconnect my phone jack to heaven, so I was not constantly having to answer to the voice of God.

Did you know? "Druther" is an alteration of "would rather." "Any way you druther have it, that is the way I druther have it," says Huck to Tom in Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer, Detective. This example of metanalysis (the shifting of a sound from one constituent of a phrase to another) had likely been around for some time in everyday speech when Twain put those words in Huck's mouth. By then, in fact, "druthers" had already become a plural noun, so Tom could reply, "There ain't any druthers about it, Huck Finn; nobody said anything about druthers." "Druthers" is essentially a dialectal term and it tends to suggest an informality of tone, but in current use it doesn't necessarily suggest a lack of sophistication or education.

Wild Religious Goose Chase

After 6 days in a trance in the fungal jungle, God sent a message (via a post-it note on a beetle's back) that read: Look in the mouth of a River Horse named Shak-Ku-Lu. Of course, I had to go to Africa to find it. Here is the poor beast after I shot it and pulled the message out of it's mouth. It read: Himalaya-Shmimalaya. I was off to Nepal to be enlightened in the rarified air on the top of the world. I have always loved treasure hunts, and this one was proving exciting.

January 30, 2006

Pinky Shifts to First Person

While I was in my little camper (shown here) at the base of Garganta del Diablo Falls in deepest forest of Brazil, God told me in a dream to speak directly to the people. I realize I had been blogging in the third person like I was royalty or better than you. I was living on beetles and peanut butter, not at the command of God, but out of necessity. I was in a trance for much of the experience, so I can't remember everything, In the days to come, as I reacclimate to family and friends, I will hopefully be able to recount more of my experiences.

Pinky's Back

Pinky has returned from his mission of God. While he may tell you he was in the jungles of Brazil and on the tops of the Himalayas, he was more likely on a three week binger on skid row. We may never know the truth.

January 12, 2006

PINKY TO BE GONE FOR TWO WEEKS!

Pinky has been contacted by God to embark on an Around-the-World Mission for the next two weeks. God has sent airline tickets to Bolivia. Other than that, Pinky does not know where this calling will be taking him. Please accept his apologies for no postings during his absence. By the sound of God's voice, Pinky assumes this a a pretty dangerous mission, and he even doubts God's promise that He will have Pinky back by January 27. Pray for Pinky.

Warning: Do Not Read This Blog Before Bedtime!

Neither Diablo Inc. nor any of its myriad affiliates is responsible for any nightmares you may incur perusing these postings.

Pinky Thinks Communion Shouldn't Necessarily be Pleasant

January 11, 2006

Granny D Explains Christianity

Granny D called Pinky today and asked him if he were right with God. Now Pinky didn't quite know what to say, so he just said, "hmmm." Granny D continued, "Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff--including doubt, hate, greed, etc...Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you for all the world to see!" She said she saw this on a bulletin board at the Methodist church where she and Pableau X. take Tai Chi. Pinky thinks that smacks a bit of Eastern mysticism, but more importantly, he is now living in mortal fear of the Methodist God.

It Takes One to Know One

Somehow Trouble Finds Pinky Despite His Best Efforts to Hide from It

Beauty is Never Just Skin Deep

Pinky and the Mermaid

When Pinky first met the mermaid she was living in this old farmhouse. Her husband had died, and she spent most of the day on the weathered glider under the horse apple tree with damp dish towels covering her fishy parts. Although she wasn't orginally from these parts, she made a mean macaroni and cheese caserole. Pinky would have followed her to the ends of the earth, thanks to that caserole (and his love for the neglected).

January 10, 2006

Pinky Diablo Can Make You Happy Too

Pinky's Aunt Coral Always Had a Unusual Way of Applying Make-Up

Pink Slug Love

Evidence of Foul Play

Pinky Sez: Crenellation and Styrofoam are Not a Match Made in Heaven

You Have Been Hypnotized by Pinky

You will go out tonight and buy strawberry ice cream and marvel at its cold pinkness.

Trouble with Pinky Diablo's International Fan Base

Recently India, France and Poland have shown more interest in Pinky's blogsite. Pinky can't seem to grasp why his seemingly stable South American contingency has abandoned him. Pinky has contacted his congressman (who unfortunately is Joe Barton) but to no avail. How can Pinky get Brazil and Argentina back? Also, many small hamlets in England have left the fold. However, as you can well see, Pinky is going gangbusters in the Bible Belt. Can he hear an, "AMEN, brother!"

Pinky's Puppetry Skills Speak for Themselves

Pinky's Mind is Like a Sausage Factory...

...cranking out lumpy bags of misinformation and overly sweet charm.

Stairway to Heaven

Pinky dreamed he climbed a ladder to heaven then realized he had forgotten his toothbrush.

Pinky Diablo: Podiatry Philanthropist

Pinky has just donated the largest sum of money ever to a podiatry clinic. In gratitude and recognition the clinic had this statue of Pinky's foot crafted from a rare pink West Virginia granite. It is a perfect recreation of Pinky's foot down to the toe cheese and hangnails. Each day a team of conservators carefully waxes and sprays it with 3 cans of Dr. Scholl's Fungaway. Every third Tuesday both Pinky and his giant foot are treated to a free pedicure at the clinic.

Yet Another Pinky Parishioner

Keep those photos comin', gals!

Join Pinky for his Midwinter Egg Sacrifice and Late Night Folk Dancing

Pinky reigns as high priest over this annual event. Tons of Fun!

Diablo Inc's New Pink Sweaters with Built-In Titties

Before you go to the trouble and expense of breast augmentation, try Diablo Inc's new product with the titties knitted right on the front. Be the belle of the ball. Turn every head (and stomach) in the room!

Why Pinky Diablo was Feeling Under the Weather

After 2 days of coughing, he hacked up this monster hairball.

Everybody Loves a Monkey

January 9, 2006

A Gift from a Parishioner

Pinky's Being Stalked

Pinky received this cryptic note and gift/warning in the mail. He thought the handwriting looked like a parishioner of his in Oregon, but the stamps had not been canceled. Either the postal service is not doing its business, or an honest local stalker put stamps on the package and put it in Pinky's mailbox. Was this a "high 5" for cooking a cat in the paella last week? Pinky is perplexed and is now afraid to pee outside.

Pinky D's Allergy Test Results

He's allergic to you.

The Problem with the English

Fish pie is our favorite comfort food. Each swollen mouthful is about repetition of flavour and texture: it soothes the tongue without surprises. The ingredients, fleshy chunks of cod, smoky flakes of haddock, fat prawns and sticky‑yolked eggs, are wrapped in a white blanket of parsley sauce, then tucked up under a duvet of bland pale mash.
Don't be tempted to get over adventurous and cheffy. Mussels, squid and saffron are too clever by half; we think that scallops are about as fancy as a fish pie should get. Go to a good fishmonger for your white fish, and if you're buying smoked haddock, look for fillets that have been coloured by smoking rather than by yellow dye. And avoid those bags of tiny, anaemic‑looking, frozen peeled prawns because they'll turn your pie watery.

Apologies

Pinky apologies for the lack of additions today. He is feeling as sick as a dog.

What Pinky Dreamed

"If not me, then who? If not now, then when?"

January 8, 2006

A Horrible Day for Pinky

Nadine drank 14 margaritas for lunch and stole Pinky's car keys. The tamale vendor never knew what hit him.

January 7, 2006

Pinky Likes to Torture His Vegetarian Friends

This Little Piggy Stayed Home

Pinky Can Heal You But He's Not Psychic!

Send in those prayer cards. Pinky can't heal you until he knows what ails you.

Pinky to Lure Nadine into Trap

Nadine can never pass up the offer of free food or gossip, so Pinky invited her on a day trip to Houston tomorrow. He has it all planned out. On the way down, he will ply her with gossip, Frito's, and Subway roast beef sandwiches. On the way back, he will corner her about the secret he knows she is harboring.