Pinky's Been Applying for Private Chef Positions

Pinky feels Better Now That It's Been Removed

Terrible People

Pinky's Big Dirty Bald Head

Illustration from the Diablo Inc. Apocrypha

Holofernes asleep in his tent seconds before Judith creeps in to cut his head off.

Pinky vs. the Rest of the World

Change of Plans

Pinky wasn't getting the results he expected from the last focus group. He has let them go and hired this new group who appear much more professional.

Pinky has Hired a Mentor

Pinky is in need of both career advice as well as a complete make-over.

Holy Horseapples!

What Does Pinky Do When in Rome?

Pinky was cleaning out some notebooks when he found a flow chart he had written in Italy a few years ago. It is apparently an outline of a story about a boy who accidentally becomes pope on a visit to the Vatican. It makes little sense to Pinky now. Here is a sampling (minus the confusing visual chart part.)

Starts in TX as toddler
Things to know: finger paints w nuns, nuns love him, protect him from Vatican curates with evil eye stares
Changes to Vatican procedures: curates fight and push for status quo, Alex pushes for toaster waffles, chicken fingers, confusion
Papal dresser
Garibaldi, why isn't he bald yet
espresso, gelato, biscotti
Likes colored things: blocks, blue bottle caps, grandmother's earrings, Swiss guard
Grandmother raises his, she looks like old dead pope
finds secret booger place on throne
oozing precociousness like a marmalade sandwich pressed by a priestly fat hand
ant farm reliquary
now old pope falls out hospital window waving like Icarus in bed sheet
red hair curly, 4 years old, almost invisible eyelashes like halos
catacombs, animals, loves cats and parakeets
need to know: hierarchy of Vatican, how conclave works, smoke, who bakes the host
ice cream vendors, Nascar

Where is Jesus When You Need Him?!

Security guard listing on Craigslist:

Job Functions:

1. Patrols, periodically, ministry buildings and grounds.

2. Examines doors, window, and gates to determine that they are secure.

3. Warns violators of rule infractions, such as loitering, smoking, or carrying forbidden articles, and apprehends or expels persons engaging in suspicious or criminal acts.

4. Watches for and reports irregularities such as fire hazards, leaking water pipes, and security doors left unlocked.

5. Regulates vehicle and pedestrian traffic to maintain orderly flow.

6. Observes departing personnel to guard against theft of company property.

7. Sounds alarm or calls police or fire department by telephone in case of fire or presence of unauthorized persons.

8. Records data such as property damage, unusual occurrences, and malfunctioning of machinery or equipment, for use of supervisory staff.

Minimum Qualifications:

1. Must maintain a growing walk with Jesus Christ through the ongoing spiritual disciplines of Bible reading, prayer, personal worship, fasting, confession, and fellowship.

There are Statues of Pinky All Over the World

Unnatural Attraction

Pinky is Up to Something Big. Real Big.

People Want to Know

When is Pinky Diablo's Drive-Through Possum Rehab and Sanctuary with Play Possum Park opening?

What Happens at the Zoo When Pinky Eats Hard-Boiled Eggs for Lunch

Italian Desserts

"Italian desserts look like heaven and taste like Scipione Borghese's underpants," quipped Pinky at a formal Vatican state dinner. The pope reportedly then had a pair of Scipione's underwear retrieved from the immense archives of the Vatican's historical collections and passed them around for the dinner guests to smell. There was talk that a special apartment has been painted pink and reserved for Pinky's Italian junkets.

Pinky's Little Chair is Empty (Because Pinky is in Italy)

Unless Pinky gets bored in Italy, there may not be new postings until he returns in a few weeks. (He is on a secret papal mission having something to do with dying birds.)

Pinky Discovers the Answer to the Age Old Question: How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?

Pinkys Says "Children, Chew Your Food"