Nadine Wins Fair Ribbons for Canned Influenzas

Nadine's Nocturnal Wanderings

Neighborhood chickens have been found without their heads. Nadine, have you been sleep walking again?

Not Nadine

As Pinky was rummaging through Nadine's desk yesterday (he was looking for some cuff links she stole from him), he found this picture she is certainly planning to use for her annual Christmas card. This is not Nadine. Pinky has conveniently numbered the clues that prove beyond a reasonable doubt that this is not Nadine.

All Nadine Eats is Hot Dogs and Instant Mashed Potatoes, Bless Her Heart

Poor Nadine

Nadine has moved to the country. She has day dreamed about owning horses all her life, but now she has spent all her money on her new (well, almost new) single-wide. Luckily, she is good with paper-mache and hot glue.

Fashion Advice for the Nemesis

Pinky (left) shown giving his nemesis Nadine (right) some tips on how to dress for success. Nadine has lost her job at the Bardwell Burger Barn. She has several interviews lined up. ( If you are a new reader, you may wonder why Pinky would help his nemesis. But for those of you who know Pinky, you know that's just the kind of guy he is.)

Nadine's Got a New Job

Nadine was hired at the Bardwell Burger Barn. During her interview with the manager she was asked to explain a personal weakness. She stated that she had a problem managing leftovers. The B3 (as locals call the Bardwell Burger Barn) agreed to hire her with the condition that she enter a leftover 12-step program. Pinky thinks her main weakness is not having a car and relying on a large balloon to get her to and from work. Pinky knows that when the wind is blowing from the east in the evening he will be driving to Cleburne to pick Nadine up in some cotton field.

Poor, Poor Nadine

Nadine has lost yet another job. This time she was fired from the local fireworks stand for shooting off roman candles into the line of customers and shouting, "Here comes the apocalypse. Run for your lives." Pinky has taken pity on her and hired her to dust his collection of Styrofoam chunks. She has been a little rough with them, but Pinky is too kind hearted to scold her.

Nadine Tries Her Hand at Zoo Keeping

"The hardest thing about my new profession is getting the bows just so," Nadine was overheard telling the ladies at the club.

Happy Birthday, Nadine

Even though Pinky and Nadine are not on speaking terms this week (a story much to long to explain in Pinky's concise and to-the-point blog), he gave her a birthday present. The problem was that the diet pills were such a pretty color, and Pinky was worried that he had bad breath ( he was on his way to work for J. Brightenbetter for the afternoon). Needless to say, they did not help his breath--in fact he gagged as he chewed the first four. By the time he got to Nadine's apartment, there were only eight left. He left a note saying that she could put mouse turds in the empty cells and sell them as holy relics in her mini-mall booth she has to rent in order to make some spending money. (Pinky doesn't judge, he just describes.)

Dirty Little Secret

Nadine has never learned how to put on a dress without spreading it on the floor and crawling into it.

Pinky Helps Nadine Move

As you know. for some reason, Nadine has decided to move next door to Pinky. Yesterday she called in tears asking Pinky to please come help her move. Sap that he is, he agreed. What he didn't agree to was to keep private the contents of her bizarre and moldy house. Although all the boxes were taped up, they were all clearly marked with a huge fat purple marker in a shaky hand. Here are only a few of the weird labels.

One small box marked: memories
One tiny box marked: his trophies
A shoe box marked: noses (another marked teeth)
A huge box marked: Sweaters worn that were "successful"
A feed sack tied with a green ribbon: Pee soaked cotton picked from Daddy's place
A heavy box marked: You know what
And an unmarked box that was quacking

What is Pinky going to do with her next door? Does anyone have a trailer in their backyard she could move into instead? (There would be a sizable reward paid by Pinky himself.)

Nadine has Always Played Hard to Get

Nadine's Artwork

Pinky finally tracked down the piece that Nadine made this summer at her New York "art camp." It is currently in a Soho gallery with a $39,000 price tag. It is titled I Wish Pinky Were a Smithville Ham (You Know Why).

Pinky and Nadine's Relationship Takes a Strange Turn

Nadine has moved in to the rent house next door to Pinky and Miss Love. She has offered to cook dinner for them every night. Pinky says, "Oh, No!" His stomach says, "Yes, Please!"

Pinky Hired a Private Detective to Shadow Nadine in New York

He found she was impersonating Miss Love and spreading misinformation about zebus.

Poor Nadine: Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

Nadine did Some Modeling in Her Early Days

Nadine Made All Her Own Friends

Nadine Should be Ashamed of Herself

Nadine mailed Pinky this poem (typed on her 1962 Remington) and picture of herself upon hearing of the death of Jerry Fallwell.

There is no Heaven
Nor a Hell
to accept the spirit
of Jerry Falwell.

The fat fuck.