Zoo Nightmares are the Worst

Happy Birthday, Nadine

Even though Pinky and Nadine are not on speaking terms this week (a story much to long to explain in Pinky's concise and to-the-point blog), he gave her a birthday present. The problem was that the diet pills were such a pretty color, and Pinky was worried that he had bad breath ( he was on his way to work for J. Brightenbetter for the afternoon). Needless to say, they did not help his breath--in fact he gagged as he chewed the first four. By the time he got to Nadine's apartment, there were only eight left. He left a note saying that she could put mouse turds in the empty cells and sell them as holy relics in her mini-mall booth she has to rent in order to make some spending money. (Pinky doesn't judge, he just describes.)

Pinky's Latest Dinner with Nadine Ended in Disaster

Funny You Should Ask

Pinky received this question from a Knoxville fan:

On a lighter note, I recently met the grandson of the man who originally built the house we are in now. Naturally the grandson is in his 80’s, but a hoot and sharp as a tack. In the course of “interviewing” him about life back then, he mentioned that one of his aunts was hooked on an elixir called “Lady Love” that was manufactured in Texas. Aloe vera was the operative ingredient. So the obvious question might be – any relation to Miss Love?

Pinky responds: Funny you should ask. "Lady Love" oddly has nothing to do with Miss Love's side of the family. In 1923, Pinky's Aunts Cleavie, Possie, and Tizby concocted a snake oil elixir that they secretly marketed first to fellow Eastern Star sisters, then later to a wider audience. They claimed the active ingredient was Aloe Vera (all the Diablo ladies swore by aloe vera for a cure all for everything from warts to a bad marriage ). However "aloe vera don't do shit," Aunt Possie (who was only a Diablo by marriage) stated loudly and often. The real secret was white shoe polish which they filtered through loaves of white bread in the kitchen on baking day to cover the smell. Generations of South Texas women spent their afternoons calmed by "Lady Love." By the 1960's these three Aunts had amassed a huge fortune purportedly worth millions. Pinky personally knew that Aunt Cleavie was the personal backer for Harry Helmsley, owner of the Empire State Building. She had a collection of 7,543 miniature reproductions of that famous building. Possie was the last of the three business women/drug lords to pass. Pinky has heard rumors of her vast fortune buried under a Chinaberry tree in Corpus Christi.

Ex Voto Painted by Pinky When Miss Love was Saved from Drinking Herself to Death

40 neighborhood cats ran an intervention on her and poured out all her wine.

The Forest is Not the Same as When Pinky was a Young'un