Pinky Has Found the Absolute Scariest Photo on the Internet

Pinky Wins the Part of the Princess in the New Disney Version of "The Princess and the Pea"

Pinky can feel a potato through 75 mattresses. Then he marries a chicken.

Do You Want to See Pinky Dead?!

At a recent lecture, Pinky offhandedly mentioned that some people would like to see him dead. The next morning, this crowd was outside his bedroom window ready to dig his grave.

Pinky Disapproves of Romanticizing the Life of Potatoes in Art

These poor things are kept in the ground only to be released, skinned and boiled in pots of oil. Potatoes do not deserve this torture!

Pinky's in a Race with Time

He has to develop the vision in his third eye before he loses sight in the first two.

Pinky Often Daydreams About the Sad Short Lives of Potatoes

Pinky is Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

(By the way, Pinky actually took this photograph of himself in San Antonio.)

Pinky is Like an Anti-Depressant--Only Cheaper and Smellier

Ask Miss Love About Recreational Milking

Pinky Seduces Miss Love with His Miniature Haiku

Pinky Wishes All Food Could be So Blue

His friend Orine gave him a party once and served only blue food at Pinky's request. The guests all had a good time until the next day.

Would You Help Pinky if You Saw Him Like This?

Pinky Knows Dogs

And he knows dogs love pancakes. Here's proof.

Pinky Knows Cats

And he knows cats hate penguins. Here's proof.

The Font of Wisdom

Pinky Shares Easter Joy with You with the Help of His Heroine Mahalia

Abundance, Like Pinky, Ruins Many--Texas Proverb

Mistrust in Pinky is the Beginning of All Wisdom

Trust in Pinky is the Beginning of All Wisdom

Pinky Saw Death

On his recent tour of the South, Pinky passed through Vicksburg Mississippi looking for religion. (Well, at least a religious shrine he has spoken about in previous posts). On his way north through town he noticed a black man in a black leather beret who turned around and looked at Pinky like he knew he was coming.Leaving town, Pinky saw him again. The man stopped on the sidewalk and drilled a hole through Pinky's truck with his death ray vision. Pinky whipped out his camera and took this picture of him, but when it came back from Walgreens, Death wasn't in the picture. (Pinky swears he was right in front of the big pink gorilla.) Go figure.

Pinky's Portrait Dedicated at Alma Mater

Pinky's portrait was recently unveiled at his alma mater. Pinky decided he had not yet achieved an appropriate level of fame to have his image in public. As soon as he does something worthwhile, the painter, Mr. M. Ross III, will finish the face.

Nadine is Back from Rehab

Nadine has been in rehab for the past 3 months. She has been learning how to carve alabaster as her handicraft therapy. Here she is in front of an amazing carving that looks like macrame but is actually carved from alabaster. Pinky hopes that her treatment will work, but he has his doubts.

Pinky's Newest Tattoo

Pinky Needs Fashion Advice

Pinky is interviewing soon for a teaching position. The only thing he has chosen to wear so far is his monkey prosthesis. Please contact Pinky if you have further suggestions for a success-oriented outfit.

Pinky's Calf is Worried About the Apocalypse

Shouldn't you be?

Pinky's Odd Childhood

Pinky collected hippos as a child. Now he collects small wads of paper.

Pinky Loves Himself

and his intestinal parasites!

A Note to the Executor of Pinky's Estate

Here's the tombstone Pinky wants on his grave.

An Army of Sheep Led by a Lion Would Defeat an Army of Lions Led by a Sheep

Pinky is a Leo. Grrrrr!

Easter Wishes from Pinky

Christ is risen--the South might rise again--but thanks to Pinky, the Easter Bunny ain't comin' back.

Further Proof of Intelligent Design

Try Pinky's Easter Bunny Rum Balls with Protein Boost

(Available at Nordstrums and your local Salvation Army store.)

Pinky Sez: "If You Really Believe It--Tattoo It!"

Pinky D's Psychic Pinhole Photography

This time Pinky set the pinhole camera next to his head in the dark before he went to sleep last night. It photographed his dreams.

View From Loretta Lynn's Country Kitchen

This was one of the worst moments of Pinky's Tour of the South. Pinky has a phobia about public restrooms, but nature was calling. There were racist scrawlings and a poorly etched KKK and Confederate flag in the stall. This only added to the horror of the moment. Pinky took this lovely photo after leaving Loretta's place. Manifest destiny dies hard.

Pinky's Great South Tour

In Vicksburg, Mississippi, miles from where the riverboat casinos from hell have ruined the character and soul of the town, Pinky found this amazing environment (thanks to his friend Sabena). Pinky stopped and prayed. Down the road, he saw Death crossing the street, but that's another story.

Bucket of Bones

You will never guess where Pinky found these tiny mice bones. On his mission to deliver holy cows to South Carolina for Miss Love, he stopped in Sparta, Tennessee ( he had always heard this his family's ancestral homesite). He found the grave of his great-great-great grandfather whom he was named after. Thomas Hampton Fancher was born in 1799 and was buried in the Old Zion Cemetery near Sparta. After Pinky communed with the spirits, he noticed a huge gnarly tree that must have been there when his ancestors were alive. Around the base were tiny burrows--deep and dark into the roots of the tree. Scattered around these holes were 100's of tiny mouse bones, mainly jaws and skulls. Pinky spent at least an hour gathering these in his little pink bucket, thinking of how many mice had met their maker at this tree of death over the last 150 years. (More about his adventures soon.)