March 30, 2008

Don't Laugh--Pinky Often suffers from This Malady

Between the 15th and 17th centuries, Taranto, Italy was hit by a dance craze unlike any other. The town was afflicted by a malady that would come to be known as "tarantism" and was characterized by a hysterical impulse to dance. Some people claimed tarantism was caused by the bite of the European wolf spider, which is also known as the tarantula (and is also named after Taranto); such folks declared that dancing off the venom was the only cure. Musicians supposedly traveled to the region to help cure the epidemic, and some believe that the Italian folk dance called the "tarantella" resulted from the craze (though it is also possible that the name of that dance derived independently from "Taranto" and has no connection with "tarantism").

March 25, 2008

Her Shit Life: A Story in 11 Short Chapters

He drank malt liquor and never bathed

They were never very happy

She left with only her toothbrush and her bruises

She found someone worse than him

Canned beans and cheap toilet paper were all they could ever afford

If cleanliness is next to godliness, Jesus never stepped foot in their trailer

He loved AC/DC
She loved Barry Manilow

His check was garnished every week, but she couldn’t have kids of her own

He unclogged the toilet with a fork

He took her to Red Lobster on their third month anniversary

She never remembered a single dream

March 21, 2008

A Life Well Lived

Pinky has amassed great personal wealth and enormous power and international influence in his rise from BBQ server and community college teacher to zoo keeper. A touching autobiography is coming soon.

What Happens at the Zoo When Pinky Eats Hard-Boiled Eggs for Lunch

March 19, 2008

Trick Question

Who was the world's first zoo keeper?
A: Adam
B: Mrs. Noah (shown here)
C: Sultan Akmid Ampur

Diablo Inc. Saves World Economic Crisis!

In these troubled times, people need comfort food. It is with this goal in mind that Diablo Inc. has hired Earline Saint-Marie to be the face of its new food division. Miss Saint-Marie will be traveling the world promoting Diablo Inc.'s new 50 gallon barrel of Pinky D's Sun Cured Deviled Egg Filling (in fact, it is the only product currently available in Diablo Inc.'s Saving the World One Deviled Egg at a Time food division). Miss Saint-Marie will be showing up in your town soon with a troupe of dyed poodles performing tricks on, in, and around 50 gallon barrels of the delicious product. Get in line to taste a spoonful, and you'll want to roll home at least 2 barrels of your own!

Last Night Pinky Dreamed he Flew to Africa to Save the Savanna Creatures

It was a happy dream until he landed.

Pinky's Giraffe Nightmares are Getting More Disturbing

Wednesday is PIE DAY at Nadine's

This week Nadine spread a little blueberry pie filling on her hands and under her eyes while she worked in the kitchen (she always spends all of PIE DAY in her slip). It secretly made her feel powerful (and a little like a terrorist.) After the pie was baked (but still deliciously warm) she broke into Pinky's house and left it on the counter.

March 17, 2008

Sad Childhood (Again)

Pinky (right) with the only kid who came to his 1oth birthday party. Granny D had ordered 45 cupcakes decorated with icing bamboo leaves. Sol Rosenquist (left) ate 32. Pinky ate the rest and soiled his rented costume. Needless to say, Pinky doesn't do well with birthdays anymore.

This Snail was Kidnapped by a Pirate and Forced to Walk the Plank

(For you macologically challenged, you are supposed to imagine what happens when the snail gets to the end of the plank and the pirate says, "aargh.")

March 13, 2008

Pinky had No Idea

Apparently (according to the zoo ethic's committee) it is wrong to borrow a chimp for the evening and take him to a country western bar. A spokesman for Diablo Inc., in a recent press conference, says Pinky only allowed his friend to drink root beer and saw nothing wrong with showing him "how the other half lives." Pinky has temporarily been reassigned to the zoo commissary until this incident is investigated further.

Worse than the Elliot Spitzer Scandal

Pinky found this archived photo in the county sheriff's office showing Nadine's birth mother, Madeleine Spoonacre, who kept an illicit chicken house for wealthy poultry lovers. She gave up all of her 12 children to the county child welfare office. Nadine had no knowledge about the identity of her mother, the existence of 11 siblings, or the perversions these 172 chickens were subjected to at the hands of the county's high and mighty.

Sad Childhood

Pinky's best friend in the third grade was a little potato named Simpkin.

Olden Days

Mrs. Damocles was always putting up with her husband's antics.

March 5, 2008

Sad News

These ladies never had a chance to know Pinky Diablo. If they had, they would have loved him!

Another Little Known Fact about Pinky and Nadine

When Nadine was 12 she made a mask for herself in the image of Pinky. She then strolled into Pinky's house and took his place at the dinner table. None of the Diablo clan even noticed that it was not their own little Pinky D. Granny D even complemented the faux Diablo on his extra good job he did combing his hair.

True Story

Miss Love has been mad at Pinky since the State Fair. She borrowed a horse suit for him to wear, and after the fair it was n'er to be found. Then Miss Love discovered Pinky in his storage trailer out back goofing around in it. (Well, that's partly true. --AND there was no fairy godmother to intervene on Pinky's behalf.)

What Happens When Pinky Rubs His Scent on a Post?

Snails come-a runnin'.

Pinky Never Meant Harm

Pinky never told anyone about his tail. He should have been proud and open about it. But last week, Pinky went public and decided to donate it to the tapir at the zoo who caught her tail in the coke machine (zoo officials refuse to discuss the details of this bizarre tail incident).

March 2, 2008

Nadine has been Stealing Pinky's Thunder

When Nadine saw the butter snail Pinky sculpted, she ran home and made this butter Death.