August 31, 2005

Don't Put These Anywhere Pink

How to See Pinky Diablo at the State Fair of Texas

Pinky will be head ranchhand for the Fancher-Love Ranch at the State Fair of Texas. You will find Pinky shoveling tiny zebu patties in the Cattle Barns starting Thursday afternoon Sept. 29 through Sunday Oct. 2. Just find the barns, look for some very small cows and ask for Miss Love, Zebu Queen 1968. Pinky might slip you a free magic zebu patty!

FYI: The butter sculpture this year will be of Elvis shaking Pinky Diablo's hand!

Pinky Torments The Less Fortunate

A Small Pink Eruption

This could refer to that pimple on your chin, a night with Pinky D, or a gay volcano. Your choice.

Amazing Two-Headed Grubworm Sings Own Harmony

This amazing little creature sang two verses of the most heart wrenching version of Amazing Grace before it died of lack of oxygen in the jar. Who says miracles dont happen?!

Everyone is Attracted to Pinky Diablo... little humanoid moth-like creatures in suits and bow-ties to an over-sized, bulbous flame.

Pinky D has a Potty Mouth

Here, Pinky Diablo and his tiny minions are teaching nasty words to Mr. Greene.

If Pink were an Octopus and You Were a Geisha...

...would you marry him anyway, would you have his squid-baby?

Pinky Diablo's Crafting Corner

Join Pinky this week-end for his annual mask making extravaganza! With just his teeth and a pink trailer full of paper bags, Pinky demonstrates how to make a thousand and one masks.

Pinky Diablo's Pink Liposuction Services

Let Pinky help you be the person on the outside that you feel like on the inside with his new pink suction tool set!

Variations on a Pink Theme

Pinky Diablo: Alamo Hero

Pinky dreamed he was at the Alamo. While lines were being drawn in the sand, Pinky D was dressed as a pink harlequin and was dancing around like a fool. This probably stems from a life-long disappointment with the Alamo. His parents, Pableaux and Grannie D, took him to San Antonio when he was knee high to a clown. Half-pint Pinky D imagined the Alamo as a huge Texas-sized cathedral. Instead he found a little stucco outhouse. Pinky refers to this as the School of Hard Knocks!

August 30, 2005

Pinky Diablo Wears the Pants (and Picks the Wallpaper)

Miss Love is so impressed with Pinky D's newest contract. She says, "You're my He-man, Pinky!"

Pinky Diablo: Man of Many Phobias

Porphyrophobia- Fear of the color purple.

Local Benefactor Collects 10,000 Canned Hams

Pinky has collected over 10,000 canned hams from the great people of the great state of Texas. You are invited to Pinky's annual Ham Toss to be held this year at the San Antonio World's Hemisphere Needle. Pinky provides!

Elvis and Mahalia Sighting at Local Truckstop

Pinky had stopped at the local truckstop to fill up on pink peanut patties. When he looked up from the candy counter he saw this unlikely couple looking at him. Luckily Pinky had one of those newfangled phone cameras and was able to get this picture. The lady walked past him and said, "You shore is pink, chile." The man said, "Keep your head up, boy!" Pinky had been blessed by heaven's coolest.

Vegetarians Can Never Fully Know the Godhead of Pinky

In the cool morning light, Pinky loosens the pink sarong from around his washboard abs. Naked as the day he was born, he places just his big toe in Brushy Creek out behind the back forty (actually five--Pinky hates to exaggerate). This is Pinky's daily ritual to cleanse the drinking water for the downstream cattle. Thanks to Pinky, these blessed Beefmasters create the finest marbled meat your tongue could ever dream of touching. Pinky can only put his big toe in, because otherwise, the meat would be so saturated with the aura of Goodly, Godly Pink it would send you straight to heaven. Pinky has not informed his neighbors of this, and they have no inkling that their prosperity and good fortune stem from that trashy place on the hill with the little pink trailer. So Pinky asks you to follow in his toesteps and perform thankless tasks for those downstream from you. Amen. (Send cash.)

Treat Yourself, Don't Deplete Yourself

About 11 AM (for all you pitiful office workers) you start feeling tired, itchy, and wishing you had a different job. (Yes, Pinky knows all.) That's the time to think of Pinky and perk up. If you were rich (but then you wouldn't be at this miserable job, would you?), you could hire Pinky to come give you a lift. But even you minimum wage grunts can dream of Pinky, or better yet, eat something pink. It will tide you over until lunchtime and make that boss wonder why you have such a cocky attitude. (By the way, no charge for this invaluable advice!)

Pinky Diablo: Obsessed with Death #77

Send for Your Free Vial of Pink Cure

 cannot guarantee which vial of heavenly Pinkness you will receive or what the consequences of the opening the bottle will be. However, Pinky's crowd is usually game for all sorts of antics and plagues.

Pinky Diablo: Man About the House

Pinky stayed home today and cooked Miss Love up a big ol' heapin' skillet of creamy pinkness. See what you're missin' without Pinky in your house! (He is available for hire.)

Another Pink Joke with No Punch-Line

So, an African-American angel, a Pink angel, and an Asian angel were looking for a Walmart...

Answer: See For Yourself

Question: What to do get when you mix Pinky, a pig, and two ladies under a large American flag?

Pinky's World Tour

Pinky still needs to get to Japan. His dilemma is whether to hazard the deep crevice or beat his way through the bush.

August 29, 2005

Why Calendars are So Important

If you can't take the truth from Pinky, won't you please listen to Jesus?!

Music to Pinky D's Ears

Pinky loves to have lady with a beautiful, gentile Southern accent whisper in his pink ear,"You're my brave little soldier!"

Help Get Pinky to Japan

It is of utmost necessity that the Japanese people see this blog. If you have contacts in Japan, please send them this blog compliments of Pinky Diablo. Pinky will pray for you, and your Japanese friends will thank you.

Don't Ever Promise Anything

You can never deliver to the promisee's satisfaction, and you always look foolish.

Last Chance for a Summer Horror Flick

August 28, 2005

Pinky's Diagram of the Universe

Pinky Diablo: Obsessed with Death #76

Your Secret's Out

You asked Pinky not to publish that picture of you in your fetish suit. You knew Pinky was a snake when you took him in.

Pinky Had a Childhood Banana Fetish

Pinky had a banana notebook as a child. He kept banana articles, banana ideas, banana everything. He asked for a banana instead of a birthday cake one year. He put candles in it at let it dry out. It turned gooey, then black. He also had a collection of hippopotami.

Pink Warning!

Pinky Diablo better not catch you and your sorry two friends pokin' around his trailer no more!

The Truth is Always Stranger Than Fiction

Pinky D's wife, Miss Love, spent the night in a barn last night out of town because she was afraid one of her cows was going to calve. That was after another cow escaped onto a shooting range and had to be extricated from a fence by the management (this event could have ended in tiny T-bones for everbody involved.) After all the excitement, one of her cows won best of show. It's always something with Miss Love and Pinky Diablo!

Pink Shadow Puppet Theater

In this scene Pinky is backstage trying to get the grubworm to sing.

Pink Miracle Crumb

Pinky found this miracle crumb on his bedside carpet. It looked like a dog, but tasted like a vanilla wafer (and there were NO vanilla wafers in the house! SPOOKY!).

Pinky D Punishes Himself

Pinky D is a bad boy. So he made himself type all the numbers up to a million. Boy, that taught himself a lesson!

August 27, 2005

Pink Love Triangle

Pinky's grandmother was killed by an elephant. She took up with some clown from the circus who got drunk one night, and one of the pink elephants that he saw trampled her.

A Biblical Threat (and Photographic Proof that Pink and Hairdressers Existed in Bible Times!)

"Abel, one of these days I'm gonna whack you with the jawbone of an ass if you don't let me use the hair dryer first!"

Pinky Before the Miracle

One Ringy-Dingy...

If you want to speak with Pinky in person, you must call on a pink princess phone. All other calls will be directed to the off-shore cat call center.

Pinky Loves His Mom

Pinky Diablo's newest tattoo. (Watch for Pinky D on Miami Inked as he gets a full backpiece of Mahalia Jackson by famed L.A. tattoo artist, Kat Von D.)

A Small Pink Prayer

Please teach your small children to pray for pink. They are our only hope.

August 26, 2005

Moths have Always Been Attracted to Pinky Like Other Moths to a Flame

Surely, by now, you've heard the story of Pinky and the Moth. This happened in the famed childhood bed that caught on fire. (Pinky heroically put the fire out with wet towels before waking his parents.) The burnt hole at the foot of his bed didn't keep Pinky from sleeping (and dreaming) soundly. And you've seen the kind of dreams Pinky has! So Pinky was asleep and deep in a horrifying dream in which there was something covering his face and keeping him from seeing. It was one of those dreams that seemed to last all night. Finally, near dawn, Pinky wrestled himself awake and reached to turn on the replacement light (It was the old light that caused the previously mentioned fire). But the light wouldn't come on. Then Pinky realized something was on his face covering his eyes. Pinky touched his face and felt a fuzzy fluttering. He peeled it from the edge, letting in the light. There in his hand was the world's biggest moth (remember, Pinky lives in Texas). Pinky has never been the same since.

King of the Pink Hill

Sometimes Pinky goes out and stands on a hill looking over the city. Pinky stands there and imagines he takes such a huge pee that he fills the city up to the brim.

Pinky Saves You Money

Why have a sonogram when Pinky D has X-ray vision and psychic pinhole photography. Stop by for a demonstration.

One in a Million

Not many chickens get taken apart this far and see the light of day again. So, when Pinky Diablo had his spleen removed, he was one lucky chick indeed! However, it is still hard for him to see fried livers and gizzards. He fears his little diseased chicken spleen was battered, fried, and enjoyed by the surgeon's wife.

Golf Ball Foetus

Here is a rare glimpse at a golf ball in utero during the 2nd trimester before it's vent holes have completely grown together. Pinky is fascinated with the miracle of life, but still has not discovered how golf balls mate. There is still a lot of mystery in the universe.

Today's Pink Tidbit of Wit

Sympathy sees & says "I'm sorry." Compassion feels & whispers "I'll help." Pinky sits & says “Maybe tomorrow.”